My One Day Off
And how things never go as planned.
The anticipation was real. I’d been waiting for this all week - for the last 11 days, to be exact. I felt like a little kid at school counting the days until Christmas break. I’d marked the days off on my calendar. The day was nearing closer and closer, On My One Day Off Eve, my husband had washed the sheets, and spritzed them with my favourite linen spray (what a champ). I came home around 1am, showered, shaved, moisturized, and heated my PJs up in the dryer. PJ shorts, let’s be clear, so my smooth moisturized legs could enjoy the strangely ecstatic combo of fresh sheets and shaved legs. I drank a Guinness in the shower to cap off the night - I haven’t forgotten my college roots. I then climbed in to my clean bed, and sighed off the weight of the week. It was happening… My One Day Off had come. It’s capitalized yes, because to me, it is a holiday. Merrily, I drifted to sleep.
I heard my kids giggling and groaning as they dressed for school. And I was still. in. bed. Hell yes. I exhaled peacefully, smiled and opened my ey….
I exhaled peacefully, smiled and opened my e-
And opened my e-
And opened my…
…why can’t I open my eyes?!
Is my body refusing to let me wake up because it knows I need rest? Am I still asleep? Do I have pink eye?
After haphazardly generating 15 to 20 more of these potentially plausible scenarios in my head, I snapped back to reality. I have this thing that happens sometimes where my eyes just, choose not to open. I have a prescription, it’s no huge deal, it’s just a pain in the ass. Thing is, my body conveniently decided to do this on My One Day Off - a day I’d planned purely for self-care and family time.
I reached for my prescription only to find it was completely empty. Lovely.
Blindly, I called my husband at work (shoutout to Siri for helping me dial his #, I’m sorry I’m so mean to you sometimes).
While I waited for my hubby to refill and bring home my prescription, I, determined to enjoy My One Day Off, meandered my way carefully down the stairs, and turned on the TV. You’d think I’d opt for a podcast as a form of sightless entertainment, and you’d be smart to think that. I, on the other hand, delirious from working 24/7 and focused solely on my lack of eyesight didn’t have your intelligence and, with admirable innovation, thought, “I’ll just watch a movie I’ve seen so many times, I can see it in my head!”
Back to the Future it was.
Huey Lewis and the News blaring, I boldly decided to climb off of the couch, and blindly dance like no one (including myself) was watching. You listen to The Power of Love and try not to have a dance party.
So I’m in the middle of the performance of a lifetime. This part is important for context. When I do the sprinkler, I also do it with one of my legs, so I’m rotating in a circle with one foot as the axis (it’s just more fun that way). Anyway, Sprinkler in full swing, eyes still glued shut, I simultaneously stub my toe on my (very rustic and stylish) coffee table, and knock over a vase of flowers with my intense, sharp sprinkler hand. It shatters. I think, “shit, I need to clean up these ceramic shards before the kitten and dog get to them!” I slip, on something mid-thought, I honestly don’t know what I slipped on, and then I hear what are usually my favourite words ever, “Mom! We’re home from school!”
Usually my favourite words ever.
Having your kids find you, blind, PJ clad, on the floor, with a giant big toe and a shattered vase next to your head while you and Marty McFly scream, “You’re telling me you made a TIME MACHINE…OUT OF A DELORIAN?!”
Let’s just say, I’ve had better Mama moments.
My man came home with my prescription. I took it, and finally was able to open my eyes, to the most handsome, caring, hilarious dude in the world.
Though My One Day Off wasn’t what I’d anticipated, being able to look around at my sweet, sometimes chaotic, dynamic family was the best gift a gal could ask for, and something I’ll never take for granted. They’re goofballs, but I’m a goofball too (clearly!), so it works.
That night, after my eyes fully cleared up, we finished the trilogy as a family. Yes, the kids were up slightly past their bedtime, but hey, it was My One Day Off.
And I made the freakin' most of it!
